With respect to the posters above, I think that most people simply don’t understand what it’s like to feel that visceral sense of repulsion and disgust at sexual activity. It won’t be solved by increasing libido or self esteem or having an orgasm. (Frankly, in my experience, that only makes the issue worse / more complicated.)

You might try Googling Sexual Aversion Disorder and reading up on it. No judgment implied, that’s just how they classify / pathologize what you’re describing. They say it typically involves pretty intense cognitive therapy and exposure therapy to overcome, so you have to be willing to engage in sexual activities (within a structured, therapeutic framework). That’s up to you, of course.

You have my sympathy. I know what it’s like to want to make a relationship work, but be extremely averse to the idea and experience of sex.