Here’s a dumb question for you. When you talk about “exploring these feelings” with my T, what exactly does that mean? Today we talked about it briefly, but then it seemed like we were done. So, how would one explore it more? I sort of asked my T and I think he said we were talking about thoughts and not the feelings. I’m not sure I really understand. I’m also not really sure how to keep that conversation going so that it feels satisfying and “worked through.”

and

"You seem to be living in the transference rather than using your observing ego to explore it."

"Again, not trying to be dense, but what does this mean? I feel like you’re speaking in code! Speak to me like I’m a kindergartner, please."

My interpretation is that you may be speaking about the transference for your t but not what drives the transference. That will make you the prefect client and you'll talk and talk and talk.

So Anne gave an example of an imperfect parent and wanting your t to be prefect for you. That's transference or at least enacting a dynamic with yr t that is bourne out of your history.

So, you may just be talking about wanting your t to be prefect for you if the surface level chat.

Once identified there is less utility in talking about ilthe interaction with your t, then in then talking about the why's and wherefores of an imperfect parent.

I.e. you use the relationship as a springboard or arrow to something deeper but seems like you might not be getting of the board.

Or, if you are acting as a teenager, who was the important person in your life then? How did you act to them? How did they act to you? You might have to spend a few sessions on narrative before you can uncover the similarity between how you are reacting now to your t to how you reacted then.

Or, you are angry at your t, (I take that from the **** you enails). But why? Anger is an emotion that is hiding other more true, more honest, more reflective of what is happening feelings.

In my case it's fear of abandonment. I'm proportionally pissed off at her whe she goes on holiday. But why, why am I angry? It's because I fear she won't come back, why is that, cause in baby hood that happened and happened and happened.

It took some doing to get to what seems like this patently obvious conclusion and we are still not totally there yet.