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Originally Posted by Lrad123
I don’t see him for another week, but , yes, I agree that talking about wanting to be the perfect client makes sense.
Here’s a dumb question for you. When you talk about “exploring these feelings” with my T, what exactly does that mean? Today we talked about it briefly, but then it seemed like we were done. So, how would one explore it more? I sort of asked my T and I think he said we were talking about thoughts and not the feelings. I’m not sure I really understand. I’m also not really sure how to keep that conversation going so that it feels satisfying and “worked through.”
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Originally Posted by Lrad123
Yes, sort of. Am I done talking about it then? How do you know? Shouldn’t something feel resolved? Not trying to be dense here. Just trying to understand.
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Originally Posted by Lrad123
Again, not trying to be dense, but what does this mean? I feel like you’re speaking in code! Speak to me like I’m a kindergartner, please.
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Sorry; I didn't mean to speak code-ish. I asked some questions about how you are doing things now to try to compare as I didn't knowhow to answer.
In rereading your OP, what you said seemed to come from the heart, with passion. That, to me, is part of exploring, so it seems you are already doing it. And you said you were brought to tears today, and this represents how things just sort of 'ended'.
Unfortunately, I don't have a good answer about why it feels it has ended though I'm guessing this means everything is contained rather than bleeding out like it was before when you were emailing, now to be continued next session.
What also comes to mind is that it takes time and much repetition; even years of it. Short term is that you may uncover insights that link your behavior with T with behaviors outside T, and how they relate to the loss of your father and needs that drove you to act on ways that may no longer be in your best interest. Hugely insightful. But it's often the experiencing part that is healing. Feeling and remembering the loss of your father, and T being your witness, understanding you and metaphorically holding you. You are opening your heart while connecting with T. I also think this work balances out your nervous system, activating the patasympayhetic nervous system.
Long term is that you experience being a seperate person with T, finding and living your true self. That you don't need his approval. But that is not about thinking but rather experiencing, which eventually changes the way your mind works.
You didn't seem to be 'in your head' when you wrote this as again, it seems to have come from the heart. Whereas before you spoke more rationally and logically. You said your more avoidant right? That comes with being more in your head than heart. Experiencing allows the pent up emotions to be released, which can be freeing. I like to think of the old theory about superego, id, and ego, but won't get into it.
About living in the transference-thats where you wouldnt link your feelings with T with feelings about your father, but it seems you are already moving away from that direction to being able to understand it with an observing ego. Not having an observing ego is similar to not having insight into what drives your behaviors. It cones with not having a strong sense of self, and seeing others not as they are but distorted.