Yes! This is the first year that I refused to celebrate. I did write a couple of cards saying "Happy Everything" lol. Friends thought it was funny avoiding mentioning the word Xmas when they asked me round.

It was a huge relief.

After the relief, I realised that my painful pattern in childhood stepfamily was forcible, false celebration and present giving with people who didn't like me. Hence all that is triggering.


I feel myself going through a missed teen stage of identifying what is important to me in life and what is irrelevant. I didn't have a chance to be respected as me at that age, too busy staying alive.


All Xmas I cooked food that I like, gave whatever I wanted to other people, and looked after my slightly exhausted and bruised inner self. It was heaven.


Part of it is the happy awareness that, due to a loan, I have enough of everything that I need, so why rush round buying stuff.