I'm new here. Just registered. I have been having trouble...

I was diagnosed with depression among other things when I was a young teenager, I tried to kill myself, and it's been a long time since I have been that low. I really believed that things were fine now, that it was a passing phase, that those feelings wouldn't come back. They went away, or at least, I told myself they had. And now, everything is hitting me hard--I am in college, and I have been doing so well there. I have such a wonderful and supportive boyfriend and go to lots of concerts and play lots of music. That's what I'm studying. I am reaching out to other musicians, going to their shows, getting to know people. I should be doing so well--this is the best my life has ever been, I have basically everything I want, or at the very least, it's all within reach. But I'm so sad. I cry so much, sometimes for no reason, and sometimes I think i make up reasons. And it feels like such a sad cry--like everything is dark and collapsing inward..I don't have as much fun as I used to. I get so hard on myself whenever i do the slightest thing wrong and it never fails to ruin my day. I am extremely socially anxious, to the point where after every social event I think about all the things I did wrong, how awkward I was, etc. It sounds silly but it feels debilitating. I so badly want to have friends and I really do try and reach out to people so often to try and initiate things, but I'm honestly a little scared of people, and maybe they sense that. And I've been anxious about things that are imaginary. Especially about getting sick or having a problem in my body; it has become such an issue that my boyfriend, who is the most supportive person I've ever had in my life, has had to ask me to stop talking about it, because I obsess and can't seem to ever stop, worrying about anything there is to worry about, and I believe it is also making him want to stay with me less, but I can't stop bringing the mood down. It's like no matter what happens, the night ends with me being sad and often bringing him down, although he says he's there for me. I don't know. I spend practically all of my energy just worrying and being hard on myself, and I'm so ******* tired of it I just want it to stop.