Well, I'm happy to report that things with my sister went about as well as they could have. There was no discussion of the conflict of the past. There was no "real" conversation with my sister, although we did play cards and interact superficially some. My nephews (particularly the older one who remembers me from before the conflict) seemed happy to see me. I had a brief but good conversation with my brother in law.

I learned some things through my other sister that make me think my "essentially estranged" sister has been struggling some. Perhaps that explains her pulling away from the family as much as the conflict explains it. We'll see if this visit is the beginning of more frequent communication between my sister and the rest of the family.

What is bothering me more than my sister is my mom. She is very judgmental and narcissistic. My husband did not go to Christmas because he's been having some pretty severe problems with anxiety and eating/swallowing, which she is aware of. She traveled to our house then went with me on to my sister's for the family Christmas gathering. At no point during when she was with me or my husband (or before that, for that matter) did she ask about how he was doing or express any concern or bring it up at all. Who does that?? She expresses only very brief and superficial interest in what me, my kids, or their significant others are doing or what is going on with us. She only talks about what she's interested in, she doesn't ask other people about their lives. She cannot say anything good about anyone, it's all negativity and judgmentalism, with some racism thrown in.

Every time I spend much time with my mother I get churned up inside and have to take some time to get past it. I sometimes feel bad about myself because I don't want to spend time with her, and because I feel the way I feel about her.

Thanks for listening.