This is a tough one.

I realized long ago, at first in my own therapy, and then through listening to other people's therapy accounts that being aware of the origins of your pain doesn't take the pain away, doesn't make it any easier to cope with it and doesn't address the real need to attend to it. So, awareness alone doesn't ensure that the healing would take place.

If you grew up with the experience of your pain being completely disregarded, you've developed an enormous need for empathy, comfort and support from others. This need is real and has to be fulfilled to some extend one way or another in order for healing to start taking place. Just being aware of it and reminding yourself where it came from won't do it. Knowing that the need came from your childhood experiences doesn't make it any less real and any less legitimate.

I wish I knew how to solve this, but I don't. All I know is that the current therapy model doesn't do anything to address people's real emotional needs. It seems to me that real healing takes place outside of therapy when people work together on building supportive and compassionate groups and communities where their unfulfilled needs could be fulfilled to some extend and where each member feels accepted and valued for who they are without having to mold themselves into some acceptable standard. Therapy can be useful only as a tool that gives people skills to form such supportive relationships in their life outside of therapy. But, in and of itself, therapy is not the agent of healing IMO.