You need to tell her! Make that jump into interpersonal stuff. You've been doing one way for 14 years (it seems like) so try a different way?

That said you might not get what or all of what you want but even the process of getting there helps.

So an issue for me is someone bearing witness to my pain, walking along side me. This results in emails outside session. She's kinda a strict pyschodynamic t.

We had a very long todo over these bloody emails, it's still on going, as it took me a long time to see and articulate the real need but now she reads and responds with a two liner, with some reference to the email (I assume to prove she's read it), telling me she's holding me in mind, witnessing my pain, providing a container to hold it for me, or what ever and redirecting to the next session.

Good luck!