The first thing I thought of is are you on medication, do you have a therapist and do you have a psychiatrist or doctor that helps you manage your mental heath? I feel these are like tied for being most important for many reasons but specifically:
When S**t hits the fan for us it all goes down. We may or may not ask for help but we need it. In good cases at some point help is offered and accepted. It can be a long trial and error process with meds and docs and sometimes its a life long process. But its still an active step. In many cases we get back to a good place and we think we do not need the help anymore. Some of us go off our meds, stop the docs. no more therapy. And SOME of us can pull that off, maybe even for life. Statistically though mental health is treatable WHEN ITS TREATED. So if you do not have a doc, do not try meds, do not try therapy, meditation, anything, it will get bad. Mental health disorders and diseases are not life sentences for pain and misery. It just means you have to treat it. I have BPII in addition to other stuff. I went through periods where I would get stable on my meds, then become non-compliant because I felt better. Or had a manic phase or cycle. Or been in one of those moods where you try and change everything all at once drastically. If I were a betting gal I would bet on mental health issues needing lifelong treatment. I would bet on having some things feel resolved and then coming back. I would bet on having my life seem smooth but being a tangle of emotions. I would bet on feeling sad when I should feel happy. I would bet on still having hard times. I am not a mathmetician it just makes sense to me. Another thing...a therapist once told me that I would know I had a good relationship with a man when I felt soooo like odd or out of the norm a few times. When I asked why he said its because I had gotten used to being treated like such ***** that ***** treatment seemed like normal and being treated well and valued would seem like abnormal treatment. Fortunately I had already been in therapy at age 18 when I met my husband so this was true for me. I wonder if you just found a window to breathe in and you are like worried that something will go wrong? Is that possible?