It's not a cycle, it's a downward-spiral. This is the accurate description of my life. I didn't realize this, until I was in a very deep and dark place, and looking up makes me feel depressed because I am way behind in life for my age, so I keep falling. I am not able to escape the fall. So, I am stuck in the middle between death and life. I am half dead and half alive. I am alive from the outside, but I am dead from the inside. This is how I feel.