I am in a little better place today
As somebody who has experienced the fears or retirement or death of my T, extreme abandonment and then having T die in an accident here is my advice for what it is worth.

T knew my abandonment fears and we discussed this early on. She told me she had no intention of retiring or stopping our work. If she were to retire she would give me a long notice. She also told me anytime my fears it was okay to check in. She would always be honest with me. As she got older and moved away it became even more real in my mind. She was great at reassuring me. Part of the reason I started seeing Emdr T was I felt stuck in regards to my trauma and feared her retirement. I figured a few visits with Emdr T woukd mean I would be all set and never need therapy after. Her sudden passing did cause those abandonment issues to resurface like more than ever before.

Fortunately Emdr T expected this and has been wonderful. I explained how I use to check in with T. I told her not only did I fear something would happen to her but also that our work was more complicated and not what she signed up for. I feared I would be to much and she would want to call it quits. She assured me was enjoyed working with me and had no intentions if stop working. She said life may happen and that she couldnt predict but if it were to happen she would give me as much notice as possible. She also encouraged me to check in any time I need to.

As I said in my last post had I stopped working with T when she became if retirement age and started to have minor medical issues, I would have missed out on the great years