Sarahsweet - I felt bad about posting so insensitively. My own life experiences were rocketing around in my head and after I posted I had to do something else and couldn't come back to edit.

If you've been with this guy for a year, and had fun with him, then you've invested yourself in the relationship. Perhaps the fact that you come from families with very different value systems has potential for both of your growth - if that's what you both choose to do.

I don't think that you can change his family - because those kids are still very young and kids and dependent upon known relationships. Kids and adults tend to hold on tight to what they know during times of transition. It may look bad from the outside, but for the kids it may be more important that their parents remain constant in their behaviours towards them than that their parents suddenly start "teaching them self-discipline".

What you can do is to examine how far you are willing to adapt your own value system and how far he wants to adapt to your values... If he wants to adapt, it may be a question of how patient you can be in the meantime.

Either you are both going to learn something, or the differences between you will split you apart but it was still worth trying!

From what you recount him sayiing it doesn't sound like he wants to question his alcohol consumption - so you have to ask yourself whether you want to live with this as a long-term situation. Some people do make successful partnerships with people who drink to make life more mellow. It's a question of whether he wants what you want going forward.

Seems like a lot of your relationship has been about being presented with his family, but how does he see your role in his future? Being a "valentine" is wonderful, but being partners in the long term is going to throw up questions and competing interests. Modern life is so freaking complicated!!!

Good luck to you in finding your way through the thicket!!!! I admire your courage! Hugs!