I'm sorry you are feeling so... hopeless? Is that the right word? (That's certainly an emotion I'm familiar with.) Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

I may or may not be on the right track here. Please forgive me if I'm off base. However here are links to 6 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that hopefully may at least begin to shed some light on what you are experiencing:

Feeling Worthless and Depression

9 Types of Hopelessness and How to Overcome Them

When You Feel Worthless

8 Steps to Like Yourself (More)

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...ds-of-badness/