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Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend
How though? I have tried in the past to improve my social skills and I still struggle. I find socializing draining and I'm not a people person. I find approaching people and starting a conversation with them extremely uncomfortable and intimidating. I also have a particular fear of approaching women. I am afraid of being rejected by them or seen as "creepy". I'm 27 years old, yet I've only had one actual relationship with a woman and that lasted a whole 4 months and I met her online so it wasn't anything serious enough for us to move together.
I've tried to improve but I just learn these types of things slowly. I have some trouble understanding social norms and I'm not good with small talk. I also have speech issues where sometimes I talk too fast or too slowly and I sometimes get nervous around people and have trouble thinking about what to say. I try and try but things just don't click.
Ya I'm good at tech. I built computers since age 7. I am a self taught computer hacker. I almost made it to being a professional gamer at one point even. Get me around people though and I outright struggle.
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When I said you could improve your interpersonal skills, I originally meant on here. But yeah, we do live in the real world don't we. So, I know whats worked for
me. And really, that's all I know, so that's what I'll tell you. You may or may not be able to relate. I don't mind it at all if you tell me it doesn't help though, if it doesn't. That actually helps me to understand what might help.
DBT has helped me a lot. There's even an interpersonal skills component to it. In terms of my own anger, pausing, like, taking a moment to just chill, in between the situation and my response. Or even getting up and walking away from the situation, then coming back, helps me. I am not perfect at it. I can still be a beotch. But I've gotten a lot better with my family, and saying (Or rather, not saying) impulsive things online. Meditation has also helped me. Learning what I value also helped. I personally value kindness and have an interest in it. You may, or you may not. If you don't, that's ok. Maybe you value consequences of your actions though. Or being independent. Or being good at something.
There are books out there as well on the subject of interpersonal skills. I'm sure you know this. As well as information online. Maybe check there.
It sounds a lot like you experience anxiety in social situations IRL though. I'm sorry to hear this. Again, you're not alone. I had mega social anxiety all through my 20s. In terms of small talk, it's okay that you don't like it or aren't good at it. A lot of people feel that way. It feels fake to some. Ok there is a whole paragraph up there that I feel like you are being way to critical of yourself. I bolded it. lol.
There's nothing wrong with learning things more slowly. Even social norms. Some people may find your way of speaking, nervousness, etc, charming or endearing. Most of the time, it seems people are really not focusing and criticizing us like we criticize ourselves. If they did I'm sure they'd be jerks. You're also probably an introvert. Introvert power!
I think it's really cool that you build computers and are so good at gaming. Strength right there.
I like what Golden Eve said too. I see you empathizing with things you can relate to, and being supportive. You've been supportive on some of my posts in the past as well.