Hey, Darna, first off, welcome to PsychCentral (PC) There are a lot of people here who have lived through similar problems I think.

I didn't get married until I was 39 so my husband was already well-trained by his first wife when I got him :-) so I haven't had a situation like yours.

Were I you, I would make sure he knows what you want of him (positive) and possible consequences if he chooses to do other things. First I'd request he go to the meeting with you all's therapist that's already been set up and then maybe even find a therapist of his own who works with policemen. They're out there. He may feel at a disadvantage going to "your" therapist and that you are both women, etc. I would give him the option and request he find a therapist and see how he deals with that.

It does sound like you have a tough row to hoe in front of you in addition to your recovery. I'm glad you're doing much better and hope that continues. Do you have family or friends of your own around to help you?