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Perna said:
I typed up a document one weekend, took me most of the weekend, paying attention to who was who, what sex they were, what they were good at and what caused them problems/pain, etc.

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It is interesting you made this comment.This week I was supposed to be writing about why I think I get so agitated/ unsettled when dealing with people in emotional distress. However I've been more fixated on ego states this week for some reason.

I don't seem to dissociate during therapy but I do seem to disconnect from my emotions. I'll say I'm angry, happy, upset, I can describe these feelings but I am not able to experience them or express them to others. Last session she asked me to describe the different modes or states I have and traits associated with them. I was able to name a few. But as I started think about it more I actually came up with a few more. The interesting thing was that I had told her that when I am in therapy I'm in professional mode, which as I've dug deeper is only partially true. I realized that if the person who sits defensively in therapy, unable to articulate, and paranoid is the professional me; then I must really suck as a teacher. This lead me to identify a childish state. Also what struck me was when she asked what mode I'm in when I being a wife.. I was like ugh! and eventually defaulted to on of the other states.

Sooo, yesterday I sat down and mapped out all the states that I am presently aware of and the traits that seem to go with them. I don't see them as people. (with the exception of the 10 yr old girl I sensed strongly the night after a tough session). My states are presently more of a clump of traits and emotions that surface as a group.

My problem is the emotional state is the one who makes my head explode after a session. That is the one that writes to her on occasion. That's the one that that wants to be heard and should be coming to therapy. The other ones are just running interference. Its frustrating because I just want to switch between them at will.

Sunrise, no I'm not ahead of you. I can't figure out how to switch between states. If I could I would switch out of what ever one gets triggered by my husband. Oops there's a big one I forgot, not sure if it is a separate state of just a physical manifestation that occur within the crappy wife state.