Hi Ian,

Been there, done that (still doing it actually!)

First, stop hating yourself for allowing your parents to help you. I am the youngest of four and my parents continue to be there in whatever way needed for all of their adult children ( ages ranging 47-38.)

Life and the way we imagine that ours "should" be...well, that doesn't always work out, does it? Sounds like you're in the process of learning that right now. I was out on my own for years, then had financial, emotional and career setbacks and took my parents up on their offer to move back home to get things together. Well, I did and through various circumstances am still here! Like you, I get down on myself often and call myself every name in the book for living the way I am. That only feeds into underlying feelings of depression and low self-esteem.

Then of course I start going down that, "Oh, they are just enabling me" road. As if they are the cause of all my problems! They are not! **** happens and we grow up and have to find our own way. Sure, I wish they had encouraged me more, not been so over-protective while I was growing up, talked to me about my future, my goals, you know? Also, being the youngest of four, and with the greatest age difference between me and my next oldest sibling, I often felt like I got "lost in the shuffle" growing up....invisible at times, at other times I just felt "in the way," like, why did they even have me?

Then I have a mish mosh of feelings running around in my head, I love them, I hate them, how dissapointing I must be to them, a complete embarassment to them, do they hate me???? Yikes!

This is where I have to reign myself in and look at the facts (just the facts, ma'am!) Wow, if they didn't care about me they never would have done, nor would they continue to give me a hand at every turn in my quest to turn my life around. They are not enabling, in fact they say it all the time when they hear about some parents who turn their backs on their children. They aways say that they would do anything for us, and they have proven it.

I think that makes me lucky. You too, sounds like.

Let them help you find your way, discover what it is you want, where you feel you "belong." I think that as long as they see you making an effort (either by going for counseling, taking a few college classes, working at ANY job, even part-time) they will be proud of you and in turn your self-esteem will rise knowing that they are proud of you and happy for you.

Ian, I've picked myself up and dusted myself off more times than I care to remember, ever since I was a teenager. There are times when I get knocked down for what I'm sure will be the last time............I can't even find the strength to get up, let alone TRY AGAIN! And I get mad........"Hey, isn't life supposed to 'work out' for you at some point if you just keep trying??? If you continually get knocked down and keep picking yourself up again?" Seems logical. We'll see.

I don't know if you've been able to talk to your parents they way you've opened up here, to us. They might know, or they might not have a clue as to how you are struggling right now. Are you able to talk to them about these things, and let them know you'd like to work on becoming the person you truly want to be? I think that at least then you'd feel a little less hard on yourself, knowing that they know that you have goals, that you are not "a leech." Though, my guess is, they already know this!

I'll say it again, look around. How many people have parents that aren't even here anymore? How many have parents who don't give a damn? Or are too wrapped up in themselves to see their own child is suffering before their eyes? It sounds like you and I lucked out in that department and I'm going to take their help (and love!) in hopes that I can grow stronger with it and achieve what at times seems insurmountable. I think you need to share what you are going through with them and let them help you to help yourself.

Take care,
Pebs


<font color=purple> The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated--Gandhi

Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask, "Is it all worth it?" And then a voice says, "Who are you talking to?" And another voice says, "You mean, ' To whom are you talking?'" And I say, "No wonder I lie awake at night."--Charlie Brown </font color=purple>