I just had a panic attack

And the more i talked to about it, i learned 2 things.

1. I dont like being idle and not doing anything and just laying in bed because it causes stuff like panic attacks for me. Cuz i think about my past while i lay down or sit down all day.

2. Im confused by myself.
Before 2010, i was shy and into the arts and played music. Didnt talk to anyone. My MI was budding. Then when i got sick in 2010 around there, i was scared of people deathly. I stayed in my room 24/7, didnt even talk to my dad sometimes. I was so unwell and psychotic. Then now, within the past couple of years, ive become so social like a social butterfly almost and working and id give anything to have more social contact than i do.