Aw guys... Thank you all. ((((you guys)))). I feel really very cared about here, sometimes. I know I haven't been very good with responding lately (been making some progress on my thesis, though), but I have been reading (a little) and thinking about you all and wondering how you are doing and stuff...

Had two sessions with t since coming back. First one was fairly intense... Lots of personal stuff about how things went with Mr Man (and a possible issue of performance anxiety and my fear about whether he didn't want to be intimate with me in that way...) Second one was mostly me talking about my thesis... Which has really inspired me to be getting on with that. I really must say something appreciative to my t... A while back I kind of had a go at him for judging that some conversations (e.g., ones about my past traumas, ones about the voices etc) were 'real work' whereas other conversations (e.g., ones about the boards, ones about my thesis) were 'distractions' or 'avoidances' of the 'real issues'. Since then... He has been terrific... Letting me figure for myself what is worth talking about (what is important to me, what is significant and meaningful for me) instead of him imposing his view.

Mr Man... I think I might love him. There are surely things we need to work on. Communication-wise. And trust-wise, too. Some things are hard... But... I want to work on having a healthy relationship wiht him... I think I might love him. There was tension because I thought he was pushing me away sexually, though. But he said something that made me think that he thought I was pushing him away intimacy-wise. So... Communication needs work. Some weirdnesses with accent, too. He would ask 'what do ya want to do?' and I'd say 'x' and he would say 'reeeeeally? you wanna do that?' and I'd think he was surprised? not happy with that choice? sceptical? judgemental? So I wouldn't want to say... But turned out it was an accent thing... And he was just repeating (in what was intended to be a neutral way). Sigh...