While I think it might not necessarily be good for me to actually get a hug, it would be nice to believe that my therapist has at least had some urge to do so at some point.

I feel disgusting and shameful and bad and unworthy. It makes me feel like he shouldn't be able to stand to look at me, should be disgusted by me, etc. When I imagine bringing up the subject I imagine him recoiling in disgust at the idea of hugging me.
So I guess it would show that he didn't see me that way?