I want to runaway from the pain and not think about it. My depression is mixed because I can't sleep and go into overdrive doing things (both productive and nonproductive) to get my mind off of my negative thoughts or I start saying negative (rather than uplifting things) to my husband. I would rather complain than cry. (But it would be better for all if I would just cry but the thought of it makes me want to push down that feeling before it rises all the way from deep in my gut. ) When I am depressed, I am a downer to be around and I can ruin other people's days as well. At the job I just left--people said they were going to miss having such a positive and upbeat person around. If they knew my other side--they would be shocked.