I remember yrs, ago spitting out to T that I have a fear I'll lose control of myself, run to her and she will push me away.
She replied in her soothing voice "I wouldnt"
Yrs on, I still haven't summoned that courage up.
I think I'm afraid of the moments after. What would you say? What would you do? Would there be an embarrassing silence?
As an abandoned baby that was propped up to be fed and rarely held. I really don't have any internal instructions iv what touch is about.
I yearn for it from her. I want to breathe her in.