I read your other thread and posted some of my feelings there. I am getting a clearer picture here though of the situation.

It seems to me you are standing by the sidelines and watching this happen. I really think you ought to be involved in the parenting of this child - and that includes setting expectations, discipline, and holding the child(ren) accountable. After all, you are an adult present in the situation. It is your right - some would say responsibility - to get involved.

You can not ignore this. You and your boyfriend must reach an agreement about parenting this boy. Otherwise a wedge is going to develop which will only get worse and drive deeper. You already are resentful of this all. How is this going to be if this continues? How is this going to be for you when it gets worse?

I speak from experience here. As a full-time stepmom I desperately watched from the sidelines my stepson's poor upbringing. His misbehavior in my book was actually encouraged by the fact his father failed to take action, set expectations, and ultimately not hold the boy accountable. It became extreme to the point the final hurrah was my calling the police to take the 16 year old into custody and out of my home. I refused to allow the boy to return to my household. Naturally it killed the relationship as even then my then husband refused to acknowledge something was wrong and inappropriate. I only wish that I had had the courage to speak up when I first realised something was wrong both with the boy and how his father parented him. I only wish that I had had the courage to make my own demands regarding expectations of my own role. I am convinced that if I had been allowed to parent this child as my own that he would have grown up at least better behaved and better balanced.

In my belief the key thing to parenting is accountability. If a child cannot be held accountable for their behaviour there is only trouble in the making.

As I mentioned on your other thread, if you are to be in these children's lives you have got to be a FULL participant.