the really good thing is that im feeling a bit better since i wrote this....at least im not feeling this as often or as intently..it's weird seeing it brought up now after a month of therapy and meds...makes me kinda think im doing the right things for myself...i don't even remember writing it which is the weird thing...god...anyway...it's true...the pain that was that intense and that scary and that soul destroying HAS ended....so there is hope....im still in pain..im still unwell but god..im nothing like i was and that makes me kinda smile inside... :-)

i don't want to die...