I've been with my partner for over 2 years, both mid-40s. About a year ago he told me that we would never live together, only date. He claimed the reason was because he will only live where he has always lived, which is in the middle of a city and I prefer somewhere quieter. He was not interested in compromise, so it sounded like an excuse to get out of an awkward conversation.

Him telling me that really upset me at the time because he moved in with his ex after only a few months of being with her. They split up after only 2 months of living together. I found out yesterday that he was with the woman he was previously married to for only a year before he proposed and it's got me thinking.

I like the freedom of living by myself and my partner is very moody, so if I think rationally I should be glad he doesn't ever want us to live together, but I've become downcast that he was willing to quickly commit to living with one ex and marrying another, yet he doesn't want any of that with me. It makes me wonder what they had that I don't and I feel very inferior, like I don't hold the same worth as his exes.

I tried talking to him about how I feel (very difficult as he is an Aspie). He reckoned he got married "to conform" (we are British, so not in a culture where marriage is expected at all) and that he lived with his most recent ex "to give it a go", neither of which sounded at all convincing. I know I shouldn't dwell on things that happened before we met, but that is easier said than done. It's not that we won't ever live together or get married (because I'm not sure I'd want to give up living alone after so long anyway), but why he wanted that kind of life/future with them and not me. He said, "It's not like that" but didn't actually say what it is like, which just served to reinforce my beliefs that I don't mean much to him.

How do I get myself out of thinking about this?!