[QUOTE=poorlittlefish;6384507]

Hello PoorLitttleFish. I am sorry you are in this challenging situation. I have a few thoughts for you.

The thing which seems to be bothering you most right now (if I understood you) is your belief that your significant other (S.O.) valued other women more than you. However, your worth is not dependent on other people...be that your S.O or his exes or anyone else. You are an intrinsically valuable person regardless of whether someone wants to live with you or not.

The comparison tendency (which all humans fall into at times) is not helpful and often causes us more angst. Although your SO's prior relationships are significant in the sense that any person's history (relationship or otherwise) is part of who they are today...his decisions about those other women are irrelevant to his decisions with you. I believe that we need to start afresh with every relationship: on both sides.

You sound ambivalent about your feelings for your S.O and your goals for the future regarding living together or not. I think taking a step back and really asking yourself what you want for yourself (regardless of what he wants) is going to be valuable. Once you are clear on what you want, then you can open up a dialogue with your partner about the future.

By "Aspie" do you mean that he's living with Asperger's? Is he diagnosed or are you saying he just struggles with emotions and communication?

Have you tried couples counseling? If you are hitting a wall with the dialogue, then it could be really helpful for the two of you to talk with an experienced and neutral 3rd party in order to discuss openly without judgment or criticism.

You said that compromise is not an option for him. And you said that he was clear in the beginning that he only wanted to date, not live together. So did he change his mind about that or are you hoping he will? Sorry if I misunderstood you. If you decide you want to live together/get married and he does not, then there is no possible compromise...your futures are not compatible.

In short, you each need to be sure of your future goals and have a direct conversation about whether those goals align. I don't think his reasons for not wanting to live together really matter if you want to live together and he doesn't. Does that make sense?

Wishing you peace and positive energy for navigating this challenge