I’ve been working through this for 5+years.

There are so many things that I don’t understand and I’ve come to a realization that I probably never will.

I believe that I got the worst Christmas present that I could have gotten from my mom this year. I opened it and went numb with no words or emotions for her. She spoke something to me, in a quiet voice, that I do not believe is truth.

Gaslighting.

I’ve been in a different place for a few days and then it felt like I came to. It feels like something shifted and I want to come out into 2019 strong!!

I know it takes time to bring out all the crap and sort through it and find those little parts and bring them home; bring them to a safe place.

It also takes time to build strength to realize that I have the the ability to actually help them find a safe place. I feel them, right now, counting on and trusting me with that.

So.

For 2019 I’m going to take care of myself, not at the expense of those that I love, but for the safety of the little ones that want to trust me. I want to be that safe place for them and for me.

I’ve set my mind to clean the clutter out of my living space and I just want simplicity. That translates into truth for me in my mind.

I want that to be my goal with my healing too! I know it’s complicated when your pulling out all the ugly stuff. I would like to toss it and declutter, see it and move past it, like cleaning out my closets.

That’s my goal for 2019!

Thank you for hearing me.

I’m looking forward to a brand new year!