~*~ AngelGirl ~*~

I don't believe we've met. So, here's a belated hello and welcome to the forums

Sweetie what you say makes PERFECT sense to me. I can relate to your feelings- ALL of them that have been expressed in this post.

I don't know what happened that hurt your friend so much, but I sincerely hope he forgives you. I know it hurts so much to lose someone when you didn't even mean to cause them pain. One of my professors used a quote one time that makes a lot of sense to me: "Hurt people hurt people". I know it's kind of unclear when it's typed out, but if you could hear the way it's said, you'd understand that what it's basically saying is that when we are in pain, that's when we hurt others (whether on purpose or accidental). I know that for me, sometimes I crawl into my little hole and hide because my pain is so great that I can't even see what's going on around me or how anyone else is feeling --- EVEN if I want to. Maybe you could explain to your friend that you're in a really painful place emotionally and even though you really care about him and want him around, you aren't really able to be functional right now and that makes it hard to maintain a friendship. Maybe if he understood how much pain you are in, he would be willing to wait it out with you and understand where you are coming from. Without knowing any more details about what happened, that's the best advice I can give.

You are not a burden, AngelGirl. Every person in the whole world deserves to be loved, and held, and listened to, and trusted. You deserve to have someone see your pain and understand it, and CARE that you hurt so much. You deserve to have someone be willing to hang around, even if they might get their feelings hurt sometimes, because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

There is no need to apologize for posting and sharing your feelings here. That's what we are here for- to care about you and understand, and support you while you get through this dark patch.

I know that whenever you slip into the depths of depression, all you can see is the darkness and you start to think it's all that you've ever seen. But try to believe that you won't always feel as bad as you do right now. If you can't totally believe it, then try to HOPE it. And hang onto that for dear life.

Best wishes to you, for peace and comfort and love.

Angela