[QUOTE=Audioengineer75;6383766]

Hello Audioengineer. If you really think the 20 year old is living with full blown Aspergers, then unusual behaviors are not that surprising. Yes, these interactions do not sound like the healthiest dynamic for mother and adult son but when understanding behaviors, I find it it helpful to come from a place of investigation rather than judgment. He may be constantly seeking sensory input (just not in a socially acceptable manner). Folks living on the spectrum often struggle with sensory dysregulation. Rubbing his face on her neck may be his way of meeting a sensory need. I am wondering if it''s a case that he had these needs and ways of managing them in childhood and, if truly on the spectrum, needed professional help to learn more socially appropriate alternatives but never received them. Perhaps his mother didn't know how to respond so she indulged him and here he is all these years later doing the same things. There are occupational therapists who specialize in sensory integration. From behaviorism we know that trying to just eliminate a behavior is usually not effective. Instead, the goal is to replace problematic behaviors with more acceptable alternatives. The ABC model is a useful place to start. What is the antecedent (trigger) for the behavior? A sensory need? Attention? Something else? What is the specific behavior? What is the consequence of the behavior, if any? The ABC log helps to ID patterns of behavior in order to develop solutions for replacement.

I am confused because you said you are sure the 20 yo has ASD (how can you be sure unless you are a trained medical professional with experience of behavior disorders?) and then also "diagnosed" him with narcissism. It is not reasonable to class folks living on the spectrum as "narcissists" because they truly struggle since early childhood with theory of mind. And they often have language, sensory, or intellectual problems. They are not "spoiled" or "selfish." If he is truly living on the spectrum, then his mother probably had no idea how to deal with that...most folks don't unless they have support from professionals. It is not a disorder which can be cured or magicked away by tough love. I don't know what you read about ASD but odd behaviors are very common. Though I obviously have no idea if that's what's actually going on in the 20 yo's case or if it's an attachment disorder or MR or something else.

You also seem to be implying that the mother is incestuous with her son. If you really believe that, I'm not sure why you want to date this woman?

Are you hoping to address these concerns with the mother from a place of care and regard...in order to continue the relationship or are you seeking justification for ending the relationship?

Where to start? Well the son could be referred to a behavior specialist by his MD but that depends on whether he'd be willing to go and if his mother is open to that?