[QUOTE=poorlittlefish;6384980]

There are certainly options available to help him if he has tics or obsessive compulsive tendencies but he would need to seek these for himself. Doesn't sound like that's the case so I would leave it be.

If you speak with him openly and without judgment or accusation (I don't know what you mean by him having "negative emotion" from you) and he still does not want to communicate with you about your feelings or the future of the relationship...and you feel sure that he won't talk to a therapist, then I think the future may be guiding you along here. Stonewalling (if that's what he's actually doing) is a strong predictor of relationship breakdown.

However, if you were feeling quite heated when you discussed this with him and it unwittingly turned into you accusing him of loving other women more than you...well then I could understand him shutting down. I was married once. I will never marry again. If my current S.O. were making assertions about my prior relationship or rationale for zero future marriage, I would feel quite hurt and not particularly interested in continuing the conversation.

Similarly, if you told him he has ASD and needed to get a Dx, then that could have been very offensive to him. I don't know if that's how it went with you folks, I just like to consider both sides of a relationship. I'm not judging you, just trying to help you think it through from both sides. Presumably you love this man if you've been together this long? Maybe?

If you feel that he has changed his mind about a future with you, I encourage you to openly discuss with him. Try open body language, sit next to him not opposite him. Pick a time when you are both relaxed and there's no time constraint. Use non-accusatory language such as: "I'd love to check in with you...see how we're both doing...what's working for you and for me" and then weave that into a discussion of future goals. Avoid any discussion of other women or prior relationships...that will not help matters and I honestly don't think it's relevant.

If he doesn't want marriage and you do, then I would encourage you to step back and consider your path. I have known several women who thought that with enough time (or coercion) a man would eventually want marriage and/or a baby even though he said he did not. I realize your situation was different in the beginning because he said different things about the future. Generally it seems best to take people as they are. I accept his goals and flaws. He accepts my goals and flaws. We can work on these together. If the goals are different, there's no future for the relationship unless one person is willing to change their goal. And we should never try to convince someone else to change their future goal...we either change ours or move on. I would never tell you what to do one way or the other because I am not you! I don't walk around in your shoes all day

Best wishes to you as you navigate this. Slow deep breaths, time, and judgment-free communication will hopefully help you to find your answers.