I often have the 'I don't want to be here' and the focus on something as ways to escape. I agree that it is a form of or level of dissociation. I will dissociate to some level, less now than before. Before I wouldn't even get to this place, I'd just go directly to crumble and try to merge with objects in the room (the walk, corner, filing cabinet that I was leaning against) do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I do not have a history of csa so we don't talk about csa in reference to me. I think this kind of response is part of things being too hard or overwhelming regardless of the why.

I'm not sure I'd consider it hearing chatter. I know for me that it is in my head. Even with that knowledge, it does feel like it is foreign to me, coming from someone else.

I have gotten to the point where I can tell my T that I don't want to talk about this any more and she accepts that as a final line and will ask me what I want to talk about instead. If I can't come up with something, after a bit, she'll say she wants to talk about something that is a good/favorite topic of mine - math, football, ect. This helps ground me by activating my intellectual side as well as kind of help me see (in a round about way) how not threatening things are in this moment. We don't go back to the stressful thing that session or not directly. I think there's been a few times were we talk about talking about it type of deal.

Sometimes I tell her that I want to leave, that a part of me is saying that I don't want to be here. This allows here to know that things are ramping up for me. Afterwards, she tends to provide more encouragement and recognition of me staying.