I'm going through termination too and have also struggled with the holiday season. Last holiday I struggled in the sense I missed her on the break away and wondered if she was having a nice time away from work etc, but I was also relatively safe within knowing that come the new year she would be back and things would quickly go back to normal. Last Christmas/new year time I believe is when we had the closest bond for a few reasons, so all while I missed her over the break, I clung to that!
This year however has been completely different, my level of care towards her is still as strong as ever, however she is leaving me and obviously the bond I felt wasn't really so strong or real. Last year I was able to send an email mid way and she replied, this year nothing. I have spend the whole season sicker than I've ever felt, back and forth to the doctors but apart from that generally alone, a few other things have also happened, and all I wanted was the safe, caring T, just to send a few words of encouragement, but no nothing!
So here I am a year on from the last, feeling lost and alone, without a place to turn. Feeling like a bird being pushed out the nest without wings.