EV,

This is a really hard question and I've been giving it a lot of thought for a while now. I finally decided I'm probably never going to have a better answer (lol!) than what I've come up with so far, and I know you are interested in thoughtful replies, so I'm going to do my best ok? (Bear with me... )

What attracts me to people is their self, in all their uniqueness and weirdness and lovableness. Therefore, it's different with every person. I was thinking about this and considering who the people I'm most attracted to (in terms of wanting to be in their company, not exclusively wanting to date them) and here are some thoughts I had:

I have one friend, Toni, who can be dealing with the crappiest situation ever, but it takes a LOT bring her down. And likewise, if you are in the depths of despair, she has an uncanny ability to bring you up, even if only for the time you are in her company. And I'm not talking about a fake person who pretends to be happy. She is just able to find the joy, despite having dealt with some terrible things. She has this natural grace about her, a LOAD of faith in her spiritual beliefs, and a genuine desire to be happy and see others happy. I'm attracted to that in her. I should say, though, that I am no less drawn to her when she cries or gets ornery and cranky- because I love that she's also human and capable of acknowledging her pain when things DO get to her.

Then there's Vern. Vern, I am absolutely stuck like glue to in my heart. I love that he can be "child-like." Not child-ish, but child-like. He likes to play, get into snowball fights, debate the fine points of rather lame issues, have stubborn contests, make you laugh, etc. There is something inherently comical in his very nature and I thoroughly enjoy it! He's quirky and he's weird. Another one of my favorite things about him is that he's willing to go deeper with me. He's a GREAT listener and he is always open to hearing whatever I have to talk about, no matter how serious or vulnerable. Some people just aren't able to be like that. I like knowing that Vern can handle it if I get emotionally intense.

And there's Jeff. Jeff is very business-minded and keeps his emotions mostly to himself. One of the things I enjoy about Jeff is that I can hang out with him and have it NOT be so heavy and intense. We chat about our majors, movies we've seen, minor surface-level things about life that we've been pondering, social issues, etc. Chat like that from time to time is VERY good for me, because without it I get lost in the abyss of my sorrow! Another great thing is that he's like a steal trap- I know whatever I tell him will NOT get spread around.

My friend that died, Jon, he just had cute little mannerisms and ways about him. One thing that everyone remembers about Jon is how, when he wanted to say something and couldn't figure out how to work it into a conversation, he would raise his index finger and say "incidentally" in a way that was just uniquely him. It's just a small thing, but it's endearing, and everyone who knew Jon thinks so.

My mom. One thing I love about her is that she's humble and approachable. She is always willing to consider another perspective, and thus I feel safe in speaking up if I disagree.

My therapist. I feel so comforted by her, it's unreal. She's so warm and fuzzy that her words and her very presence feels like a big cuddly fleece blanket wrapped around me. She is very artistic in the way she strings her words together, and she's very gentle in her approach.

I have friends that I like because they are so quirky, some because they're so normal, some because they're funny, some because they're serious, some because they're faithful, some because they question, etc, etc, etc... ad nauseum! lol!

I could go on and on and probably bore you to death if I haven't already. But my point is that EVERY person has something that is just too darn lovable about them not to like it! I found that was a useful trick for me when dealing with clients at work who grated on my nerves- I looked for what made them lovable and unique and special. And I found that ALL of them had some special spark just waiting to be seen. There are things about ALL of us that are wonderful and wonderfully unique.

EV, you are a unique combination of traits and quirks and beautiful things. Your light will shine through to those who are paying attention. I know it has to me! I'm sold on you!

I think you are a sincere and kind-hearted person and I just adore you. I know that if you will work on being brave enough to just BE YOU and really put yourself out there, people will see that and they will love it.

What's not to love???

Angela