I don’t know if it’s from the medication that I’m taking or from years of hard living with drugs and alcohol, but it’s been like this for as long as I can remember...

Lamictal 400mg, Prozac 40 mg.

It’s black with spinning red scribble lines spinning and shooting one way or another...much like running, falling, staggering through the woods with a red light at night seeing only the outlines of every single blade of grass, leaf, tree... When I open my eyes in the dark...I still can see the chaos. I also can see it in black shadows in a dim light.

When I try to imagine a picture (like now), it’s pushed out of the way and fades away by the swirly red lines with a black background. Some time geometric shapes and patterns form shrinking and growing randomly.

When manic, I see geometric rainbow shapes (mostly round) dancing before my eyes open or shut in a kalediscope kind of fashion, bouncing to a rhythmic beat enough that I can focus and watch it over my surroundings.

It seems that there is an intensity in me so much the edge wakes me up early and keeps me up late. So drinking a lot might let me sleep all night, maybe.

Anti-psychotics gives me brain zaps so much that I dont take them.

I think my noodles are scrambled, or aliens are controlling me, or too much xtc/lsd when younger?

Any of this sounds familiar?
I mean obviously there’s nothing one can do about it except maybe quit meds and be drug free?

Just trying to figure this thing out...I don’t know if it’s BD or DID with the alters pushing around or the damaged past.

Thanks.