I’m not sure if this is anxiety tendencies or tiredness from the previous semester of school talking but I need to vent.

After a couple of years of enduring abuse from fake friends at my uni, and with many of my real friends moving away from my city, how about having half of the world’s population turn sour on me at once?

Yup you read that right, I think women in general despise me for even existing. I’ve tried my best to follow the golden rule in my interactions with others and see women as people, and feel like I’m a very interesting person who holds a variety of hobbies. Plus I travel and get out to see the world and embrace our environment and all that it has to offer. My family members and people who know me best praise me for my conversation skills and tact with others. But its all in vain and sometimes feel they’re just pulling my leg.

From experiencing personality clashes and enduring harsh criticism from a couple of women whom I worked with at school and an intern to getting a cold shoulder a couple of times when I’ve tried to socialize with women at football games and bars, its obvious that women were put on this earth to swallow me whole and then spit me out on the earth for the world to see. And with the MeToo movement assuming every guy on the planet are just dumb filthy animals, I sometimes think I am one too, even when I have absolutely no history of sexually abusing women.

Then in the seemingly rare instances I do find women at least decent enough to be friends with, none of them have deemed me “relationship material”, and instead go after the heads of fraternities or athletes. Its like nice guys finish last! And then when I’ve tried to keep in touch with a few friends who happened to be women after college, they just ignore me and my texts. I guess I’m only good for one moment, and disposed of the next, so I’m no better than a pile of garbage. I’m either a boyfriend or just some stranger, and no where in between. Further adding evidence that I’m like garbage is when I’ve tried to reach out to a some people who I thought were friends, some female, about some of my struggles, they freak out and act like I’m too much to handle. Also goes to show that women are keeping a checklist of all my mistakes and are only out just to put me down.

All I want is show women kindness and treat them as people deserving of love rather than objects, yet all I get is ungratefulness and hatred. I’m sorry if I’m filtering out women here on PC who have helped me before, but why do you women hate me? Aren’t I good and loveable enough despite some imperfections and awkward moments? Is this the way that I will always be with women from platonic to romantic, just being cold toward me and keeping a checklist of my mistakes and using it against me? Or am I just generalizing?

I do see a counselor whom I have already shared these concerns with, but since finishing college is a higher priority, sometimes I’ve just left this topic on the backburner.

Sorry for making a long rant but I appreciate any support and a breath of fresh air. Some of these thoughts have been spiraling out of control in recent weeks and I could use some help to love me for who I am.