I am at an impasse in my therapy.

For those who have been following, I engage in a lot of acting out behavior with my therapist through email/text. This consists of me sending an angry text about once a month, some months maybe twice. In the past, my T would inconsisistently respond.

Within the past month, my therapist has not responded to my emails/texts.
I am finding this boundary very difficult to tolerate because i found that it helped me regulate myself and it gave me a sense of power and control by being able to text that I am quitting etc.

I am very upset about this as I recently texted him and he didn’t respond. At my recent session he told me that he didn’t even READ the message.

I feel very hurt, angry and feel stripped away of any amount of power(even if it was illusory) that I had in the therapy.

While there is a part of me that realizes that it’s in my best interest(and his) that he sets these limits so that I can learn to regulate myself, it’s not working. I am so angry and dysregulated.

I am intelligent and mature outside of therapy and I feel lots of shame around how infantile I act within my therapy. I have this fantasy of starting over with a new T and having a fresh slate. But I am very attached to this T and find it difficult to leave.

All thoughts welcome.