I wish I had the answer for you, but, unfortunately, I don't. That's one of the reasons I am no longer in therapy and not planning to go back at any time for the rest of my life.

Under the current model where "intimacy", "therapeutic relationship" and "working through" transference are considered to be organic and necessary elements of therapy, I don't think it's possible to avoid the dependency trap.

Of course, there are therapists who don't subscribe to the above notions, but, interestingly enough, in my experience, those who have a healthy professional attitude are, at the same time, are very ignorant. They believe that following the "manual" is all they need and don't have any useful insight to offer, so they never appealed to me.

Back to your question, I actually just thought of something. My husband managed to find a way not to become dependent on his therapist after he had seen how my dependency on my therapist had messed me up. He worked with a therapist for three years quite successfully without ever talking about their relationship. He told me later that he set his intention on keeping all conversations around his life only and never allowed her to push him into talking about their "relationship". He said that she made a few attempts to stir the conversation into that corner, but he dismissed it and continued with the topics he wanted to discuss. She was smart enough to take a hint and their work continued in the direction he wanted it to continue. Once, he realized that she came to her limitations. There was a session where she gave a response to one of the things he was discussing that was completely off. She just didn't "get it" and he felt intuitively that she was not in a place to get it. In other words, he realized that it was as good as it gets but what he got was no longer good enough. He made a clean break right away. He called her later to inform her that he was terminating therapy and thanked her for all her help. That was it. He said that he felt sad for one day, just one. The next day he was fine.

To me, his therapy was perfect. I wish I was able to manage my therapy the way he did. So, if anyone else can do that..I guess, that could be a way not to become dependent..but only if you can do that..