Trigger Warning about SH/SI/SA.....
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Saw T today after our week and half break. I had talked to him over the phone on Sunday so he already knew about Hs grandmother dying and that we went to her funeral. T asked how it was going and I told him it was all crap, crap and more crap. He asked me to explain further what I meant, so I told him about what happened on New Year's Eve with H and I drinking and
Told him that I had stayed up until 5am that night afterwards and SH because I was so upset at myself. Told him I went and got it checked out at urgent care yesterday and they just glued it together. He asked me if it was around the same area I usually do it at and I told him yes. He also askes me how it was feeling today and if the spots ever bother me. I told him the only one that's ever really bothered me was my ankle. He asked what the doctor had to say about it, and I said he told me to read a Western philosophy book about how other religions view suffering. T corrected me and said it was probably Eastern philosophy and I agreed. I told him that I didn't tell the doctor the whole story about the SH and that I just got drunk and SHed. T made a comment about how the doctor had to have seen the other scars given the location, and I said Yes he did but that I didn't explain the situation surrounding everything. Told T that the Dr sent me on my way. Told him that the only reason I went to that urgent care was because the last time I was there for SH was in 2016 so I figured they wouldn't send me to the ER like the last urgent care did. After talking about that part T asked me what led me to take out the anger on myself about what H had done. That was a really difficult talk because I mentioned my SI. I'm not sure if what I said worried him but he mentioned words like life threatening and how he worried that if H does it again that I'll act on those thoughts.
We talked about other options that I have like kicking H out and why I feel like SI is an easier solution. We basically spent the entire session on talking about that incident, how I am blaming myself, and options. I was surprised to see that we didn't end until 5 till when usually he stops right at 10 till...almost to the dot. After he told me that we'd have to stop there for today, he said that he didn't know if he had mentioned it yet but he has availability tomorrow if I wanted to come in since we didn't get our Monday session or if I just wanted to wait until Friday. I told him yes, I'd definitely want to come in so we scheduled that and I left.