I think it is okay to feel and talk about feelings as intensely as you want, but not to act out those feelings.

I am one who thinks your ex-T completely overreacted, but the lesson to extract is more about keeping the relationship within the limits of the frame the therapist outlines, and not violating boundaries.

I agree with Lemon that dependency on the therapist is an important phase, and the way out of that is through it. It is a good thing.

You just have to dig down deep and do whatever is needed observe the T's rules. My T is very strict, and I just rule out something like calling him on Christmas Day , and actually calling him ever at all from my list of possible behaviors bc he would feel intruded upon . It helps me to think about how stressed I would be if he called me while I was teaching or getting ready for bed- I would be jarred by that.

I am pretty dependent on therapy sessions and on my T as a witness and a catalyst for healing, but not as a person in my real life. I'm not always comfortable with how homesick I feel for him, and how much he matters to me, and my SO is bewildered and at times resentful of the T relationship. Many times I really suffer despair over therapy boundaries, like when the session is ended by my T and I am sent out in floods tears without time to find a peace stopping point.

In those moments there is a decision point- what to put first my frantic dysregulation or his rules and boundaries. I think that if I ever started prioritizing the need and fear I felt over his frame, he wouldn't want to work with me, and would say I needed a higher level of care. This keeps me figuring out how to deal with myself in any way except violating his space, and that line in turn prevents some kind of pathological dependency. I don't know if that makes sense.