My husband just was horrified to see what became of me as a result of therapy where the "relationship" with the therapist became the centerpiece. He didn't want that to happen to him. He couldn't afford to fall apart since he was a primary provider in our family and, even if he could, he wouldn't allow it because he just found the whole idea of the "relationship" with the therapist nonsensical and harmful, which he was seeing the evidence of when he saw what it did to me.

But I've seen the type of therapist you are describing: the Old School-I-am-not-here-to-support-and-comfort-you-but-I-am-also-not-here-to-judge-you type of therapist. I've met this type of guy once and he was WONDERFUL.

Unfortunately, I only had one meeting with him because it happened at the time I was seeing my last ex-T socially and was trying to resolve this situation (this is why I sought his help). At the time, I already decided that I was done with therapy but I needed a brief counsel from someone to figure out how to get out of the trap I was in. I knew this guy from my training place. He was one of our instructors at the practicum class where we discussed our cases. He was 96 at that time ( I am sure he is no longer alive). He was absolutely brilliant. I hadn't seen anyone with such a clear mind. He had a no nonsense approach to therapy based on honesty, transparency, objectivity and neutrality. At the same time he displayed much more of real humanity towards clients than anyone who subscribed to the idea of "intimacy" in therapy and liked to center therapy around the "therapeutic relationship". "Therapeutic relationship" was not even a part of his lexicon, and yet he was the one who had no problem visiting a sick client in a hospital and suggesting his students to do the same. For him, creating "intimacy" in the therapy room was totally inappropriate, but helping an old client to get in or out of the car, for example or visiting them in the hospital was just common sense and a normal expression of humanity, which you can't separate from your work. He began his career in 1947, in the "old world" where normal expressions of humanity were not pathologized, suppressed and demonized.

Long story short, I had one meeting with him regarding my relationship with my last ex-T and his response was as brilliant as everything he said when he was my teacher. He didn't get emotionally involved in that situation even one bit. He didn't take sides. He didn't emphasize the wrongness of my therapist's behavior while he made it very clear that he acted unprofessionally and inappropriately. He was not interested in either supporting me or defending my therapist like some others did. He simply asked me what I wanted in that situation. This simple question empowered me more than all the support and validation I have ever received from others. It put the power right back into my own hands. It opened my eyes to the reality that no matter what anyone does or has done to me, I have the power to make a choice of what to do about it, I am the one who calls the shots.

This sounds like a tribute to the guy and may be it is because he deserves it. Just like you, I am, probably, idealizing him now, but I don't care. He had the type of integrity that I don't see in people these days, the one that allowed him to be 100% humane while staying 100% professional. To me he represents what a professional is supposed to be like..The memories of him give me a sense and a hope that it is possible to make the profession represent what to me it should represent - an integration of humanity, neutrality, objectivity, honesty and transparency.