I had a T session yesterday. I was sitting in the waiting room, and I realized it was 15 minutes past when the session was supposed to start and 15 minutes before the office staff leaves for the night. I thought if she hadn't shown up by the time the office staff left, I would leave too. I see my T at an office where there is a bunch of T's and PDOCs and they share an office and office staff. My T works late though so usually she is the only T there after 7 PM and that is when the office staff leaves. So eventually T came to get me, before the office staff left, and she asked how my Christmas was. I said, "Good." Kind of shrugged. I wasn't there to talk about my Christmas per se. When we got to her office she wanted to know how the hallucinations were, particularly the auditory hallucinations, so I told her that I had heard voices but not that frequently since I had last seen her, but that I had more trouble with visual hallucinations in the past month. So we talked about that and about what I "see" and whether or not it scares me. I told her that it had been (trigger for mention of SH) she seemed pleased that it wasn't too frequent. I forgot to tell her that I was upset about it, because I feel sort of defeated by it. We talked a little about why I did it, and I explained I have been feeling more depressed and how it helps lift my mood for a while. We talked about the Christmas and New Years breaks and how I do better when there is a routine and how I need to plan things next time to help me not get so depressed. We talked about (mention of Christian religion) We talked about my depression and my former T and how I miss her and how it was worse over the holiday. She asked me if I had been in contact with my former T which made me feel weird. Like I was betraying new T if I had been in contact with former T. I told her that I had emailed former T at the beginning of December and had texted her Merry Christmas with a picture of my kitty on Christmas Day and had received a text back the next day saying that former T had a good Christmas and kitty was growing. We talked about the progression of former T's illness and the T that I saw during the summer that did CBT Therapy and how it didn't really work for me because I don't have a lot of negative self talk for one, and two, being on an anti-psychotic is a very powerful sedating sort of medication so my mind usually feels blank and I have trouble recalling my thoughts. And new T said yes, she didn't think CBT would be very helpful for me. We talked about why I thought I was depressed and I couldn't really say. So it was time to go and I was putting on my jacket and she said next time we would try some eye movement technique. And I couldn't really think at the time, but I wanted to ask her if it was EMDR or something else because I think you have to be thinking about something troubling you to do EMDR. But I just said, It might not work, and she said, it might. And we left it at that. Kit