I had a bad relapse on Wednesday. I had an argument with my mum and I was so angry and all my emotions bottled up. I did it and ended up in A&E. It has left me traumatized and I saw the blood spurting, and me crying in panic. I thought I was going to die. I have made so many people angry. I keep telling myself that was the last straw but I don't listen. Last time I did it, was around 2015/2014. I'm scared too. I have given all sharp objects to my mum and put them somewhere else. I don't trust myself. I ended up with eight stitches. The paramedic said I missed the artery and my mum tells me I would have ended up dead. I'm grateful I'm still here. I missed a day of work for to rest and I came back and had to fill in a back to work thing. He knew I hurt myself from looking at the scars on my arm. I told him it was an accident but he knew it wasn't. I told him everything. I had a meeting and was told, I'm going to have further support to help me with my issues. I want to look for a therapist or something. I want to get better. I can't keep doing this to myself.