Did your wife give permission to the hospital nurse to share this info with you? If not, I’d say that nurse could and should be in major trouble. You were separated, nurse had no business to be telling you all this. Oh wait a minute your wife did ask staff not to tell others, and they still did. That nurse needs to face consequences.

You are finding cards and condoms 13 years later??? 13 years? Could it be new cards and new condoms? Who keeps the kind of stuff for years?

I’d say talk to your therapist first and see what she/he might suggest.