there are - in my experience - REAL ways that external social situations, such as college life, cause pain and disempower genuine relating. we need to acknowledge this is painful. not knowing how to get what I need relationally IS painful.

I admire your courage in writing about this with such honest pain!!!

I wonder, for myself, whether persevering and desensitising myself to being frustrated socially is one way forward. That we support each other by acknowledging that this IS painful. That I get through difficult social situations by acknowledging my pain within myself, and then also acknowledging the drive to live fully inside me.

Also I wonder if you could ask those girls in the coffee shop what they look for in a man. That might be a chance for you to explore more about what they know about relating. Asking questions is a good form of reality testing!!!