I am not sure if you want advice or just venting ... it took me 5 years for my pdoc to completely convince me of my bp l ... I am currently on an ap ... abilify ... and we are slowly increasing the doseage ... he knows my " fear " of an ap so we talk about it at every appt ... I have the ability to just say no if I want too ... suprisingly it is working ... my T has shown me some of my actions that I never linked to my bp but are and they are improving ... an ap can be useful ... even helpful ...

my advice is give it a try ... even if it did all the bad things you fear it would take years of use to cause it ... nothing is going to happen over night ...

my advice ( if you want it ) is to just chill and give it a try ... apologize to your pdoc ... calmly explain your reasons ... but give him respect as he explains why he things you need it ... always your decision but I advice you to trust your pdoc ... at least for now ... I really don't think you will have any reason to be so concerned ... we are talking years not days ...

peace to you my friend ... may you find the best answer for you ... Tigger ..