I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Anxiety in general, & social anxiety in particular, have always been problematic for me as well (along with a laundry list of other stuff. I'll spare you the details.) You mentioned your embarrassment at your need to hide. I'll tell you I'm 70 years old now & I've been in hiding my entire life. So I feel qualified to say it is exhausting!

I hope that, in some way, you can find a way to stop hiding & let the sun shine in. The thing is, if my life experience is any indication, all of this hiding just gets increasingly difficult the older you get. Over the years, it erodes you from the inside. Sooner or later it will out one way or the other. And unless you find a way to deal with it in some affirmative way soon, it may well end up bursting forth in some less than enlightened manner as it did with me.

My best wishes to you...