I want the day to come back where I feel good and happy. All I have done lately is sleep and feel lifeless, no energy. I don't call anyone anymore and I read these post and feel for all these people that are sick, angry and looking forward to the day. I just look at the mess in my apt and say to that inner voice I have, clean up, you live like a slob and look like a slob. I stay hungry and thirsty all the time. My sister finally sold her house and I was so happy for her for about 5 minutes then it was gone. I get upset when my e-mail is empty, but how can I expect anyone to talk to me when I don't talk to them. There is still some degree of intelligence there along w/confusion, stupidity,laziness and my hate for myself. My fault at having this illness that hurts others and causes them to not understand. They think I am selfish when I try to take care of myself and follow the help of my T. It hurts them so I stop and give in to them and do what they want me to do. I'm a very good actress to the outside world but the inner world is a dark damp place where I hide crouched down in a corner not wanting to come out and take care of myself. So everyday I wonder why me and when will this illness go away. never, never, never. pj56