For instance I told T on Wednesday about what my husband did. We talked about how I don't like sex, I don't want to be touched, kissed, nothing. I've told him I've been held down before. We talk about how H should masturbate but he doesn't because his view on God and touching yourself. We've never approached the subject about whether or not I do, besides today he joked that if I came to session telling him about my favorite vibrator, he'd question that if it's all I spoke about. I told him the very minimum of past sexual encounters and how I view them as SA now. In session today I told him I had a "bodily memory" of the SA and it freaks me out when I have these episodes or whatever you call it. I've told him I want to cut off my body parts or do something to make sex impossible.
In no way is T pressuring me to talk about all of this, but I want to talk and share it because it's upsetting me so much. He encourages me to talk about whatever is on my mind, and knows there's deeper issues that I haven't shared. He's psychoanalytical if that makes a difference, and I'm not interested in finding a new T. However, when I'm in session I shut myself off after a sentence or two and won't allow myself to push past it because this stuff is embarrassing, awkward, uncomfortable, shameful, etc. It's stuff I've never shared with anyone in depth.
How do I let this stuff out in session because it's eating me alive. I feel so alone and crazy with all of this.