I have gone through some of this is well. As an adult it is easy to see how we should have handled it and what we should have said or done. It is not natural for a parent to treat a child like this. But as a child all we want is for love, acceptance and support from our parents. You can't blame yourself for how u handled it you weren't mature enough to know what to do at that age. It is not your fault your father has his own hell he has chosen and we can't control that.