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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Thank you. I admit he has his flaws, but I do feel he's really helped me. Other people have commented on that progress as well. My relationship with my H is better. I'm more social in general. I mean, I didn't include this in the writeup, but the only reason I'd recently turned on all notifications in the group that T's wife posted in? It's because I'd gotten together with someone I met in another autism parents group recently for coffee and was asking about local groups. She was going to add me to that one, but realized I was already in it (and clearly wasn't seeing the posts). So I turned on notifications. So it only happened because I was trying to make more real-life friends (and I'm seeing her again later this month). As an introvert with social anxiety, this is a big deal to me. And my H was ambivalent about going to his friend's party tomorrow, and I convinced him that the three of us should go. When in the past I might have been like "Sure, we can skip it!" and been secretly relieved. But...I want to socialize (sure I want to come home and curl up in a ball afterward, but still...)
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What you are describing reflects my impression from a distance quite well. Your T definitely has a strong tendency to keep you focused on real life goals and progress and a bit away from diving too much into what goes on in your therapy (between him and yourself) - this is what I like best in his approach and it sounds like your benefit from it significantly. I was just thinking of your therapy again reading another thread about unethical therapists who promote (or even just allow) too much idealization and attachment and how that can be detrimental sometimes, especially on the very people who are most prone to those things. Not sure I would classify that as unethical necessarily but definitely not practical. And exactly what keeps clients in that transference hole for way too long and away from actually improving everyday life. So it's kinda ironic that you wanted so much to work on your transference and attachment patterns with this T but his way not to let it take over too much within therapy is what seems to be helpful now. At least this is how I see it, I am sure different people have other views.